Narcissistic Co-Parenting & Child Custody in Lake County, Illinois | AKL Legal, LLC
Dealing with a co-parent whose focus is more on themselves than on your child can present serious challenges — especially when custody arrangements are involved. When narcissistic traits influence parenting decisions, it can negatively impact the emotional health, self-esteem, and trust of the child. Thankfully, there are actionable strategies for navigating custody with a narcissistic parent. Continue reading to learn how to protect your child and your rights.
What Does “Narcissism” Really Mean?
Although the word “narcissist” gets used casually, narcissistic personality features stem from an actual mental‐health condition. Some typical traits include:
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Lack of genuine empathy toward others
A constant need for admiration and validation
A belief that one is uniquely special and deserving of special treatment
Recognizing these signs can help you tailor your approach when co-parenting with a narcissistic parent.
Why Co-Parenting Gets Tough With a Narcissistic Parent
When one parent is focused on self-interest over the child’s welfare, you may see behaviors that complicate custody and parenting time — for example:
Using your child as a tool to hurt or control you. They may attempt to turn the child against you or make the child feel responsible.
Manipulation tactics: pitting siblings against each other, guilt-tripping, instilling fear or competition, or making your child feel obligated.
Emotional control: the narcissistic parent might dominate through guilt, fear, or obligation rather than collaboration.
Gaslighting: denying reality, making you (or the child) question memories or feelings.
Neglect of the child’s emotional or physical needs because the parent prioritizes themselves.
Sometimes even falsifying or exaggerating claims in custody cases, or presenting misleading narratives to the court.
These behaviors can undermine a fair custody process and place a child at risk of emotional harm.
Strategies for Co-Parenting With a Narcissistic Parent
Here are effective tools to manage and protect your child when dealing with a narcissistic co-parent in the custody context:
Create a detailed parenting plan. Write down drop-off/pick-up times, locations, responsibilities — clearly spelled out so ambiguity is minimized.
Set firm boundaries. You don’t have to allow manipulation or control. Some flexibility helps, but don’t enable bad behavior.
Limit unnecessary communication. When possible, keep discussions in writing (email/text) so there’s documentation. Prevent over-communication bait.
Recognize the narcissist’s limits. Understand that their behavior is about them — not about your child or you. This mindset can reduce frustration.
Avoid arguments. Stick to facts, your parenting plan, and your child’s best interests rather than emotional confrontation.
Focus on your child’s welfare first. When one parent struggles with putting the child first, you must advocate for what they need—emotionally and physically.
When to Call a Lake County Child Custody Lawyer
If you suspect that your co-parent’s narcissistic behaviour is harming your child’s emotional well-being or negatively impacting the custody arrangement, it’s time to get legal guidance. A skilled Lake County child custody attorney can:
Review your parenting plan and custody order for protection and enforceability
Help you document and gather evidence of manipulative or harmful behaviors
Advise on modifications or enforcement of custody/visitation if the child’s welfare is compromised
Take Action Today. Call Grayslake Family Law Attorneys at AKL Legal, llc.
If you’re worried that a narcissistic parent may be impacting your child’s future or the custody process, contact the family law team at AKL Legal, LLC at 847-262-9888. Our attorneys in Lake & McHenry Counties are ready to help review your situation, explain your legal options, and advocate for your child’s best interests. Contact us today for a confidential consultation with a child custody attorney.
